After long waiting period, I think here is the answer from God. A new community in God. A community that consists of people who really yearns for God from their deepest heart.
I’m not say that my previous communities are not make me grow. I just hear a voice (that I felt it comes from God) “No, I want you to grow, Erika. Keep your faith. Find it! I already plan My Place for you”. After several trials that come to my life until I felt my spirituality dry up.
He fix it one by one in His Way and in His Time.
On Friday until Sunday (11 -13 November 2011), I tried to join the community building of MAGIS 2012.
The first question is… WHY ? Why suddenly I want to join this thing ?
Let’s see the posters below :
Yes, there are questions in my life. From human perspectives, my life is great. Having a great job & experiences with good enough salary as fresh graduate. But in the fact, no time for myself, family, or even God and community. Totally different when I was at high school. My prayer life that already developed during 3 years in high school, totally messed.
I know God is giving trials to my life to test whether I still loyal to Him or not. Every Sunday, I come to pray at church with dry spirituality, the voice that I heard was only “Keep your faith, Erika. Stay tuned in whatever conditions that I let to be happen in your life. I want you to grow because I want to put you in new place in My Time.” . Everytime when I become more down, the voice become louder and louder.
I became indecisive. Although I’m quite ambitious to have and achieve goals in my life, I know that I have a deepest desire to serve Him. The same desire when I was serve Him in my high school community, a charismatic Catholic community. But I didn’t know why I felt that I have more particular sense when I want to commit or decide something. I believe it comes from God, because now I can see some of the red strings of all things that God let happen in my life. When I had been offered to commit to my high school community, a voice said “No, it’s not your place again. I want you to move, Erika. I want to put you into a new place”. Well, ordinary human can say maybe I’m a little bit crazy to hear it. But that’s what I’ve heard.
And in the fact, it’s right. God let me to feel any kind of emotions. Facing different people with different behaviours and backgrounds. Struggling with them in dry spirituality is not an easy thing.
Until one day, I become in the lowest point of my spirituality life. I surrender to God. I just said to Him ,”God, I felt like a life zombie. At morning I come to work, at dawn I come to home. My days only work and work. Friends and family become far in my heart. I missed a time to Your place. I missed community in You. What should I do, Lord ? What are your plans into my life? I even can’t realize a single purpose of my days.”. Every time I cried in my heart, and no one knows. I only hear the voice “”Keep your faith, Erika. Stay tuned in whatever conditions that I let to be happen in your life. I want you to grow because I want to put you in new place in My Time.”.
One day, I know God gives a challenge to me. “Am I ready to release my comfort zone right now ? My good job and its pleasures?”, including the good salary for fresh graduate like me. I struggling in months. And at the end, I decided “Yes, Lord. I’m ready.”. But, well with my human mind, I tried to apply to the same industries again, consulting industries. Haha. Some of them failed in test, and some of them were offered me. The voice was lead me. At the beginning, the voice said, “No, it’s not your place”. Repeatedly. Although the best offering was salary in dollar and overseas experiences. The voice said, “No!”.
I surrender again to God. I asked God, “What is your plan, Lord ?”. The voice led me, “Wait. I have My Time”. I was quite shocked, “Hah?When?”. Struggling and struggling. It was God’s way to shape me. He wanted me to beat myself, to put Him in the first place, totally surrender.
When I felt nothing, something happens. A beverage company called my cell phone and giving interview. This is not something that I expected. Well, I ever apply it to become business solutions analyst at that place. But after 2 days recruitment process, they offered me an entry level position as graduate trainee. I didn’t know what was God’s plan. The requirement itself mention that the maximum working experience is 1 year.
I pray. “Is it Your Will, Lord ?” … In silence, I heard “Yes, Erika. Take it.” . At the first, I become angry and ask God “WHY?”. I was too arrogant. Well, if you’re still normal, you should be arrogant if your income would be decreased up to 50%.
Just in days, He taught me to surrender again. And I resigned from my jobs and accepted the new offering. Surrender, is the key.
After joined to the new company, slowly I understood God’s plan step by step. He gave me LIFE. Life that I never had at my previous jobs. Happiness and social life. He gave me spare time. A spare time to repair my broken relations with family, friends, and Him. One by one, Step by step.
The reasons above gave me clear answer when i saw posters of MAGIS. A community that offer MORE (MAGIS means MORE) to have life in Him. To find His Will and Purpose in my life.
” .. I need to do something with my life. It needs to have meaning, a goal, a mission …”
Time is not a reason again. God is good, haha. This community is only obligate to attend the monthly meeting. The member consist of 18-30 years old young people. I saw their first performance in St.Anna. And I didn’t know why I felt a strong urge to join them. I saw their happy face when they told about Jesus. So, when I read their recruitment at Facebook, I decided to register myself.
The second question is… WHAT? What have I learn ?
Exodus and Examen. On 04.00 AM ,I sit down outside of building only to find something as my symbolic way. Learn from nature for God’s arrival ,that was Exodus. God taught me a simple thing, it was about the harmony. I heard a nature voice, and suddenly with some interference from vehicle’s noises. Until one time, an airplane flying through. The airplane is very noisy at all until I can’t clearly hear the nature voice (cock, cricket, water,etc). Hmm, I was quite struck. God reminds me for my life. “Am I too busy, Lord, so I can’t realize the other thing except work and work?”, asked me to myself. Yes, I can’t hear the beautiful nature voices.
In every Examen lessons, I felt that God wanted me to have flashback for my life. A short but painful enough flashback. He taught me in silence.
In MAG+S circle, I was happy to realize that I have a small family again. A small family to share and to grow together. 
When there was a time to find memorable Bible verses, suddenly I remembered Jeremiah 29:11 and Ecclesiastes 3 :11 .
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
You’re right, Lord. Please teach me to more understand Your Will and Your Purpose for my life.
Not just practical but Spiritual,
Not just a friend but Companion,
Not just fun but Service
